When my husband and I met a mutual friend was helping me move and he tagged along. A character sheet fell out of one of my boxes. He picked it up and asked " who's is this" I said mine and he asked me out for a cup of coffee. That's how are relationship started sitting over a cup of coffee talking games of all kinds. Two years later we were married and a few years after that we welcomed a beautiful baby girl into our lives.
Now I know lots of gamer girls a few married but none with children. There are lots of gamer girls now in a mostly male dominant group women are slowly but surly moving in but its still mostly men.
I found myself in a world where before I was married and a mother I was welcome every where but now I feel excluded. I feel like the gamer would is like the professional where a women must choose or make sacrifices career/gaming or mother. When you don't have a sitter when only one of you gets to go play boys want the other boy. They want or gravitate to sitting around playing games with other boys. Most men won't invite another mans wife out to play, when both husband and wife can't go. So the life of a gamer wife and mother is not being able to play, staying home with the kid while the men have their games. I love my husband and daughter. I love spending time with both but sometimes I want to play games too without the distraction and responsibility of a toddler to keep an eye on without have to concentrate on her and the game.Sometimes I wish so badly that the guys would call me and invite me. Knowing why they don't doesn't help. It just makes things worse. Yes I'm married. Yes I'm a mother. That doesn't make me any less a gamer. I love playing games too. I love getting out of my house and escaping the many demands made upon me everyday. Just like the boys. The guys coming home from a long days work wanting nothing more then to relax and forget their troubles and escape into a game of some sort for a bit. Sitting around a table joking enjoying the company of others and gaming. I want that too.
I've never met another gamer mother. I've met girls wives but never a mother. I wonder if they once existed and gave up. Made the choice to give up gaming like so many other things women give up to become mothers (not that its not worth it) but I want it all. A career a chance to get out of my house have a life of my own and some games and be a mother. I used to believe that a women could have a career and a family. That it wouldn't be much different from a man in today's world and I still believe that. It is a bit harder then I thought when I was younger and childless but I've managed so far. Being a gamer mother though. I never gave any thought to that before. Maybe that's why its so difficult now. Before we had our daughter my husband and me played together. There was never an issue. Now with the lack of a baby sitter and everyone knowing it I find myself home with our toddler cleaning house because the boys assume I'll stay home with the kid so hubby can go play. I guess thy never think maybe she'd like come instead or they just don't feel right inviting out another mans wife or they don't want a women invading their male bonding time. It could be so many things but I find myself thinking at times maybe they just don't like me.
Before marriage and child I was a gamer girl. Yes there were other girls but we were and are still out numbered. I got invited to play and I arranged games. I felt like I had friends. Now I feel lost and alone and unwanted exclude from a world where once I was a welcome rarity A gamer girl is sometimes sought out by the boys but a gamer wife and mother not so much. So I went from being welcome, from all kinds of invites to the lonely life of work and home. I keep fighting for my turn. I keep trying to find my way back into a would that has shut me out but always in the back of my head is maybe they just don't like me. Maybe they never did. What if I do get invited but all there doing is humoring a friends wife.
When everyone was younger before marriages and family's and the weight of responsibility I took my free time for granted. I took gaming for granted. Now while sitting at home watching Barbie and the diamond castle I find myself thinking Barbie just rolled a one, or Lidia the villainess has a damn good charm spell. Classing my daughters cartoon characters. Thinking silly swiper you never let an elf out of a bottle. I spend my time watching cartoons and missing the dice the adult conversation so much it hurts. Sometimes I think I should just give up this is the way it is, hubby playing and me staying home.
Why does it have to be so damn different for a mother then a father. If the gaming community wants to expand why not court mothers who so despertly need an escape. Why exclude wives and mothers. Yes boys want there bonding time but make time for the girls too. Extend a hand boys.
I've decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. I've decided to stop shouldering all the responsibility. Its my turn to game. I know it will be hard to break back into the world of gaming. Being left out for so long has shot my self esteem but I'm going to try. I want the boys to have there time. I want hubby to have his freedom and some time away but I need the same. If the boys I know now can't deal or don't want to play with me I will find groups that will. Mothers fathers college kids anyone I can that will whole heartedly accept a gaming wife and mother.
This is the begaining of my blog The adventures of a gaming wife and mother. I have two games tentatively sched for this weekend. One with hubby one without. Lets hope they fall into place and I can tell you all about them thanks Jessie
